“Could You Explain Programming Please”

Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family, I get tech support calls from my family all the time. I got a phonecall from a brother-in-law today:

Him: Hey, you’re good with computers right?

Me: Yes.

Him: And you know how to program computers?

Me: Yes, thats my job actually.

Him: Could you explain programming please?

Me: I’m sorry, what do you mean?

Him: I want to make a game like Halo, but I don’t know how to start. Could you explain what I need to do?

Me: You should probably go to the library and get a book.

Him: Can you just tell me what I need to do?

Me: Wait a minute. Are you asking me to explain how to program computers?

Him: Yeah.

Me: Over the phone?

Him: Yeah.

My brother in law apparently made several unsuccessful attempt to “learn programming” by opening up exes in Notepad. He created a text file with the words “Morph the screen into something cool” and couldn’t figure out how to run it, even had the balls to ask me “how do I install my program? Do I just put a shortcut on the desttop”.

My dad, a programmer, lent him an unfortunately titled book called “Teach Yourself Java in 24 hours”. He immediately flipped to the back of the book and reading sections on server and Swing development, and was very excited to see that he could write his own server after just one day.

In the end, I was unable to teach my brother in law how to make his own Halo over the phone, and he decided that I wasn’t a very good programmer.

The Daily WTF – “Could You Explain Programming Please”