Recipe: Perfect Martini

The following was originally published at, a now-defunct site to trade cocktail recipes. It was published somewhere in 2004 or 2005, to the best of my memory. It won an award. ExtraTasty swag. A t-shirt, a pint glass, and a shot glass. I still believe it is a fun read.
Prepare a lime (or, saving that, orange) twist. * Prepare a martini glass by filling it with ice cubes — spin the glass for a while to get the glass nice and cold. Leave the glass alone, and fill a metal martini shaker with ice cubes. Dump your ice cubes out of your glass, and spritz with vermouth. The perfect amount is best described this way: “Wave the vermouth bottle in the direction of your glass from a safe distance.” Now measure out your gin, pouring carefully into the shaker. (Do NOT simply dump your gin in. Gin is a delicate drink, and can “bruise” easily. You can taste the difference between gin that’s been handled properly and gin that’s been abused. Do not abuse alcohol.) Gently stir the gin in the shaker. Do NOT shake. (James Bond was wrong.) Very gently, pour your gin into your glass, and add the citrus twist. Enjoy quickly — this drink is all but worthless warm. Some other notes: Martinis do not contain vodka. A drink in a martini glass made from vodka is some other drink, and is not to be called a martini. Unlike vodka, you get what you pay for with gin. Spend the money and get Tanqueray. Beefeater will do in a pinch. Bombay Sapphire is for Gin and Tonics not for martinis. Always use clean glassware, and never re-use your ice. Get a citrus tool for making your zests with. Soooo much easier. Be generous with your ice — It is made of water, afterall. On that note: always make your ice out of distilled water. Tap water is for making Tang with. You’re a grownup, aren’t you? * Martinis do not have olives, you’re thinking of some other, inferior, drink.