what is my motivation?

what an interesting question.

fear

fear often motivates me.

i tend to work hardest to avoid being chastized. lame, but true.

when it comes down to getting something truly finished, my ADD kicks in, as well as my perfecitonism, fighting each other, so that i get a little paralized, torn between very creative ideas, and needing everything to be just so.

this leads to a problem getting anything done.

i really have to surrender to what i know is best in order to allow myself the freedom to do a half–assed job (in my own mind) in order to just flipping finish it.

of course, when i do this, it usually is better, by a shot, than having not finished it at all, but having a good idea of what it would have been like (perfect!) if i had been able to overcome my perfectionism and ADD and do it like the prototype in my head.

naturally, this comes into play both in my faith and in the life i go about here with human beings, in my work and my marriage, and in mowing.

what it comes down to, sadly, is a fear of getting yelled at that motivates me to get over myself, and just do the stupid job i should do.

lame.

love

love motivates me, too. i don’t want to make it seem like fear is the only thing driving me. often, more ane more all the time, really, i have no fear, and a real love for humans. i am sure this comes from maturing in y faith, and how much time studying matthew i’ve put in, just learning from jesus.

i used to be too scared to speak to strangers — but now i’m getting to the point where i love it.

i have come to feel for “people” a real lovethat i believe comes only from me starting to really take on parts of the lord whom i have set out to follow. when i read of him wanting to gather them to himself like a mother hen does her chicks, under her wing,i know what he’s talking about.

when i’m at starbucks, and people pass by, in their conversations, and i just have a sense from god that they’re not neearly as happy as they oughtta be…. ( well, this is something new for me in the last eighteen months, and i know it is from the one true god himself, as he teaches me about his heart.)

faith

when my wife is sick, and has a thing growing in her face, and almost everyone i know tells mw that we should ignore the fact that she’s got no insurance, and go to the doctor, or to canada, or to a “wholistic healer” or whatever, when we have a real sense from god that he will take care of her, just as he wishes, it is my faith in the one true god, and his ability to run this universe as he sees fit, that motivates me to hang tough, and exercise patience in the face of doubts.

when, the night her insurance kicks in, the thing growing in her face starts to dissapear, after weeks of growth, and is all but gone within hours, it is hard to even be amazed, knowing that faith got us to this point, and the god who does such things is himself faithful.

hope

i guess, when it comes down to it, hope is what motivates me, most of the time. hope for things to be like i think they can be.

when our church services aren’t perfect, hope motivates me to hang in there, and keep attending meetings and keep praying for wisdom.

when my ADD is at its worst… when the dragon seems to be dragging me around, rather than me having it on a leash… when i feel like i can do no right whatsoever… it is hope in a new body, a new kind of flesh, and a new creation in myself that sustains me, and encourages me to keep on trying to act like jesus teaches me to act.

from a yotr topic

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