ADD and depression often go together.
then there is this thing called general anxiety disorder.
i have ambivalent feelings about that particular phrase, let alone the condition it represents.
perhaps i feel about it the way lots of people who piss me off feel about ADD: “sounds like everybody has that somewhat.”
of course, i have learned, when i encounter that attitude about ADD and depression both, that a good response is: “yes, everyone experiences some of these symptoms sometimes. the difference is longevity of symptoms and the amount of life disruption.”
as for me, before i was diagnosed with ADD i was constantly struggling to keep up with the simplest of life’s tasks.
i graduated from high school with a one point something grade point average.
i was also in the gifted and talented classes.
so much “potential” that i was constantly accused of “not living up to” — which i suppose is true in a way.
yet i maintain that, unaided by medicine and therapy, i actually did not have the potential that i supposedly was not living up to.
i was smart, sure.
but my body chemistry severely limited what i was actually capable of doing.
anyway, to the topic: general anxiety disorder.
the anti-depressant i am on, lexapro, treats GAD and depression both, apparently.
i know nothing about GAD beyond the above fact.
but i do know that my whole life i’ve been afraid to go out in public, basically.
i develop “places” that i attain some measure of comfort at, and if i am forced to deviate from that it fills me with a paralyzing fear.
is this GAD?
i can’t say, and research is needed, but i can say this: since i have started on the lexapro, i am finding myself more able to be comfortable in public.
i am sitting here at starbucks, with my headphones on, rocking out to matisyahu. and i caught myself fullon bobbing my head to it.
this is not something i do.
i am normally far too self-consious for that.
i have also found myself able to look strangers in the eye and smile… which is just shocking to myself.
is this how most people are?
how much have i been missing?