After Reading Some of My Journal Entries, It’s Clear That I Need to Stop Watching Porn.

Cops showed up at my house after nosy neighbors complained about the large piles of citrus-smelling, glued-together squid all over my front lawn. “Where are the female officers? I want to be frisked by female officers!” I yelled as I was hauled away for no reason.

McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: After Reading Some of My Journal Entries, It’s Clear That I Need to Stop Watching Porn

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