flickerbulb

according to J2, a woman who is great with child is “pregnick”

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…shoot “darks”, according to J2

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so, that’s what J2 yells, instead of “open sesame” when we approach an automatically opening door.

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so, once, when he lived in arizona — a place so hot that they think 90 degrees f is “kinda nice out” — he was leaving his apartment with xbox under his arm, on his way to a LAN party.

(yes, he now works in IT)

anyway, outside his apartment, in the hallway, was an evangelist, a young one.

Kid in White TShirt: Is that an XBOX?
Jason: Yes.
Kid: Cool.
Jason: Thanks.
Kid: You know what else is cool?
Jason: *blink*
Kid: The Book of Mormon

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Amazon.com: Uranium Ore: Electronics

(scroll down and see the “also bought” section)

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i have a group of friends that i, like everyone else who knows them, refer to as “The Crane Boys.”

one of these guys is john, and he runs a blog called The Daily Detour, which focuses on american culture, and has a decidedly conservative evangelical stance.

i’m rather fond of john and all three of his brothers.

the three older brothers are each known for being, uh, “talkers” — and are each rather good storytellers in their own way.

and one of my favourite stories of theirs is about their grandpa, who believed that pre-deluge humans lived for several hundred years, because of seawater.

now i’m sure i am getting some of the details wrong, but when i read the following paragraph (and it’s amazing headline) i couldn’t help but laugh:

For parents worried about how to treat children’s colds now that some medicines have been called into question, the answer may be a dose of salt water.

A nasal spray made from Atlantic Ocean seawater eased wintertime cold symptoms faster and slowed cough and cold symptoms from returning among children ages 6 to 10, researchers in Europe reported on Monday.

Seawater spray cures kids colds

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“Somebody created a situation that really agitated her and gave her some sort of a method to break out,” Mollinedo said. “There is no possible way the cat could have made it out of there in a single leap. I would surmise that there was help.
”A couple of feet dangling over the edge could possibly have done it.“

note to self: don’t try to set caged tigers free — they don’t appreciate favours

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Two atoms are walking down the sidewalk when they accidently bump into eachother.
“I’m really sorry!” the first atom exclaims.“Are you all right?”
“ Actually, no,” the second atom replies.“I lost an electron.”
“Oh, no! Are you sure?”
“I’m positive!”

I’m positive - Two atoms are walking down the sidewalk

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Amazon.com: Uranium Ore: Electronics

(scroll down and see the “also bought” section)

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comic books reveal how we as humans tend to really feel about god:

The origin of the comic god goes like this: The arrogant Thor needs a lesson in humility, so his father Odin, the ruler of all gods, sends him to Earth in the form of a crippled mortal to teach him to be humble. When Thor finally learns his shits do stink, his mortal form dies off and he is allowed to become himself again.

This spiritual lesson serves to confirm two things: Being handicapped is God’s way of punishing you for religious transgressions, and to the son of God, Earth is essentially a giant time-out where instead of facing a corner for five minutes you live a short, challenging life rife with confusion and pain until you are eventually allowed to die.

from 5 Upcoming Comic Book Movies That Must Be Stopped

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Here’s how to understand the Creation Museum:

Imagine, if you will, a load of horseshit. And we’re not talking just your average load of horseshit; no, we’re talking colossal load of horsehit. An epic load of horseshit. The kind of load of horseshit that has accreted over decades and has developed its own sort of ecosystem, from the flyblown chunks at the perimeter, down into the heated and decomposing center, generating explosive levels of methane as bacteria feast merrily on vintage, liquified crap. This is a Herculean load of horseshit, friends, the likes of which has not been seen since the days of Augeas.

And you look at it and you say, “Wow, what a load of horseshit.”

Your Creation Museum Report

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funny

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last night on the daily show, stephen colbert almost, but not quite, announced a real run for the presidency of the best nation on earth.

then, later, in his own show, he actually actually did it:

stephen colbert in 2008

i can hardly wit to see what john crane over at the daily detour thinks about this.

meanwhile, the entire blogosphere is weighing in.

now, i happen to own a “viva la stewart shirt”, but i still think it’s a sad commentary on the state of our union that i’d seriously consider voting for a commedian for president.

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Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.

And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more.

This is a complete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.

Ah … ! What’s happening? it thought. Er, excuse me, who am I?

Hello?

Why am I here? What’s my purpose in life?

What do I mean by who am I?

Calm down, get a grip now … oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It’s a sort of … yawning, tingling sensation in my … my … well I suppose I’d better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let’s call it my stomach.

Good. Ooooh, it’s getting quite strong. And hey, what’s about this whistling roaring sound going past what I’m suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that … wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do … perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I’ve found out what it’s for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What’s this thing? This … let’s call it a tail - yeah, tail. Hey! I can can really thrash it about pretty good can’t I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn’t seem to achieve very much but I’ll probably find out what it’s for later on. Now - have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?

No.

Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I’m quite dizzy with anticipation …

Or is it the wind?

There really is a lot of that now isn’t it?

And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like … ow … ound … round … ground! That’s it! That’s a good name - ground!

I wonder if it will be friends with me?

And the rest, after a sudden wet thud, was silence.

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.

Chapter 18

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