Category Archives: Humor

A Cybersex Encounter

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as “cybersex.” Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you’ll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn’t seem to quite get the point of cybersex.

Then again, maybe he does…

A Cybersex Encounter

Shinyness to Usefulness to Awesomeness

i just remembered my “shinyness to usefulness to awesomeness” chart, and i thought i’d re-post it.

i like it, still:

Shinyness to Usefulness to Awesomeness
view full size at flickr

best of craigslist : Room for Rent — Inauguration Day/ObamaCon 2009

heh:

Room for Rent — Inauguration Day/ObamaCon 2009

Date: 2008-11-11, 11:45AM EST

In a search of a room in DC so that you can spend Jan. 20 standing in the bitter winter cold with thousands of like-minded souls watching the historic transfer of power from one Harvard grad to another? Look no further.

Me: Heartless, greedy right-wing oppressive type looking to make a buck.

You: Obama’s election was Christmas/your first kiss/May Day all wrapped into one. You dutifully wore his button — which you have yet to remove — contributed money to his campaign from your non-profit job and chanted “yes we can” as if it were the 11th commandment. A strange void now exists in your life and — like an old hippie looking to recapture the spirit of Woodstock — you are undertaking a pilgramage to Washington for one last gulp of the Kool-Aid.

Along with my bedroom you will have access to the house’s many amenities including cable television (not that you watch much TV) for viewing Keith Olberman’s latest unhinged rants and CNN in high-def. Wireless internet means that the Huffington Post and DailyKos are only a click away on your MacBook. American flags and other patriotic paraphernalia in the room can be removed upon request.

The house is located in the diverse neighborhood of Adams Morgan with people of many different skin pigmentations that will allow you to revel in your tolerance. Rest assured, however, that this diversity does not extend to ideology and that you are sure to march lock-step with the prevailing sentiment ensuring that your most strongly held beliefs remain unchallenged.

Easily accessible subway and bus stops will help ensure a minimal carbon footprint while fair trade coffee is never more than a few steps away at any number of independently-owned establishments. Nearby non-chain bookstores similarly mean that tomes such as Mao’s Little Red Book, Chomsky’s latest masterpiece or additional copies of The Audacity of Hope can be easily purchased either for yourself or as early holiday shopping.

Rather than state a price I am requesting that you bid on this fabulous opportunity to ensure profit maximization on my part so that I can better weather the Bush Recession.

best of craigslist : Room for Rent — Inauguration Day/ObamaCon 2009

Social Progress

According to a CNN exit poll, 42 percent of voters said that the nation’s financial woes had finally become frightening enough to eclipse such concerns as gay marriage, while 30 percent said that the relentless body count in Iraq was at last harrowing enough to outweigh long ideological debates over abortion. In addition, 28 percent of voters were reportedly too busy paying off medial bills, desperately trying not to lose their homes, or watching their futures disappear to dismiss Obama any longer.

“The election of our first African-American president truly shows how far we’ve come as a nation,” said NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams. “Just eight years ago, this moment would have been unthinkable. But finally we, as a country, have joined together, realized we’ve reached rock bottom, and for the first time voted for a candidate based on his policies rather than the color of his skin.”

“Today Americans have grudgingly taken a giant leap forward,” Williams continued. “And all it took was severe economic downturn, a bloody and unjust war in Iraq, terrorist attacks on lower Manhattan, nearly 2,000 deaths in New Orleans, and more than three centuries of frequently violent racial turmoil.”

Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

you know what else is cool?

so, once, when he lived in arizona — a place so hot that they think 90 degrees f is “kinda nice out” — he was leaving his apartment with xbox under his arm, on his way to a LAN party.

(yes, he now works in IT)

anyway, outside his apartment, in the hallway, was an evangelist, a young one.

Kid in White TShirt: Is that an XBOX?
Jason: Yes.
Kid: Cool.
Jason: Thanks.
Kid: You know what else is cool?
Jason: *blink*
Kid: The Book of Mormon

attention john crane: turns out your grandpa was right O_O

i have a group of friends that i, like everyone else who knows them, refer to as “The Crane Boys.”

one of these guys is john, and he runs a blog called The Daily Detour, which focuses on american culture, and has a decidedly conservative evangelical stance.

i’m rather fond of john and all three of his brothers.

the three older brothers are each known for being, uh, “talkers” — and are each rather good storytellers in their own way.

and one of my favourite stories of theirs is about their grandpa, who believed that pre-deluge humans lived for several hundred years, because of seawater.

now i’m sure i am getting some of the details wrong, but when i read the following paragraph (and it’s amazing headline) i couldn’t help but laugh:

For parents worried about how to treat children’s colds now that some medicines have been called into question, the answer may be a dose of salt water.

A nasal spray made from Atlantic Ocean seawater eased wintertime cold symptoms faster and slowed cough and cold symptoms from returning among children ages 6 to 10, researchers in Europe reported on Monday.

Seawater spray cures kids colds

moral of story: tigers are ungrateful

“Somebody created a situation that really agitated her and gave her some sort of a method to break out,” Mollinedo said. “There is no possible way the cat could have made it out of there in a single leap. I would surmise that there was help.
”A couple of feet dangling over the edge could possibly have done it.“

note to self: don’t try to set caged tigers free — they don’t appreciate favours